Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Dune (1984)

Skyrim. That explains why I haven't updated my blog for many days. But let's all be real on this, Skyrim is great, really. I mean, I haven't been so excited about a game since KOTOR, and that was years ago. Dude, this is a great game. But enough about that. Dune (1984) is an old Sci-Fi movie about a book with the same name, made somewhere around the time as Star Wars and costed 10 million more, but turned out less popular and... well... I really don't want to be hard on Dune, I mean , the book is great and all, but man oh man was this all messed up. And I would have never expected that from David Lynch. Yeah... just gets better and better from here.
To start with, thank the maker that there is an introduction to explain why and what is going on, because I surely think that those who did not read the book would not understand a single thing in the movie , at all. That is probably the good thing, i don't know.
I will have to leave the story alone, because fudge you, Dune is awesome. But to put the whole thing in only 3h ? To sides to that, both bad thou:, one is that everything happens to fast and there is no time to think or just chill, the other thing is that even while happening to fast , those 3h are not enough. Oh did it not have five (or four or six, I really don't know) parts like Star Wars ?
Time to put dirt on the whole Sci-Fi thing. I would love to say that it was not the time yet, but look at..well.. yes... Star Wars again, it is starting to look more about Star Wars than dune..Anyway. In 1984 the CGI was bumpy, but these were horrible even for that time. Where did all the money go to ? Those eyes ? did they spend all the money for actual surgery ?
With that in mind it all looks like some weird future voodoo. All those flying gingers and stuff... I mean, I am not racist but gingers are not born be THIS ugly. Maybe this is just the book inside my head talking, but I feel disappointed. And angry that i lost 3h not playing Skyrim. I heard they are make a new version in 2014, so until that day, lets all pretend that this one never came out. :)

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Every Thing You Always Wanted To Know About Sex (1972) and every thing else by Woody Allen

Why ? Because of few things:
1. Poll says you want tits.
2. Everything else by Woody Allen is somewhat like this, actually this even sums up everything he has done.
3. Because I'm a pervert , that's why.

See, the thing is, I was thought that I could do more of Allen, but I have to face it, I'm not that good to not say that everything he does is more or less the same. Sex. 24/7 sex, every story has sex in it, all the time. So this will be my last of Woody.
This thing is made of few different stories, and some are better than others. For example first one can make you mad as hell, because everything there rhymes, and that is annoying, Jesus W. Christ , I nearly killed a child while watching that, but it ended, and that is good for that child (but i will find that child one day...) . That episode should have explained something about aphrodisiacs or something, but i think it was more about women out of your league.
Gene Wilder
Then the next one was on. And i loved that part, for that it has Gene Wilder in it. That is the man from Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory (1971). He is great at what he does, but why did he have to do this, I have no idea. What do you mean "whats the big deal?" ? He humped that sheep. Is it not at least a little weird ? Anyway ... It is awkward... Actually , the whole film is awkward, just like everything made by Woody Allen. People are awkward, situations are awkward, and Allen is awkward.
One part was in Spanish, probably , and because i don't know Spanish, I understood nothing, why would it even be Spanish, why ? What did I ever do to Spain to deserve this ?
"Every thing you always wanted to know about sex" should be informative, and you might say that it is more or less informative, but not only would it teach something usefull to youngsters, it would also fuck their minds up ( sorry for hard language but it is true). I mean, for those who have seen it, there is either real brain damage that will scare them form sex for the rest of their lives, o there is funny things to lough at perversions knowing you are more perverted. Yeah, "What is you perversion" was most fun to watch , for I have heard weirder perversions.
Talking about tits, this is one huge bust. And that is just what i mean, after seeing something like that , a normal man  could be scare of breasts for the end of his life. And what was most interesting for me was, if they make that breast, or was it effects ? Because if they really made it, I would love to hear the stories of making of .
Just to be clear on what i want to say, this is what sums everything about Woody Allen: "Tits that kill people."